Today i realised that i could prevent my eyes from tearing up. But somehow or rather, i could not seem to stop my heart from crying out. Hah, sounds dramatic, i know. And no, its not a love issue. The matters of the heart are often misunderstood to be love among BGR. But it isn't true. Just what am i trying to say? I myself have no idea. lol. I'm just troubled with something related to the heart, literally. And yes, i've tried to let it go. But i figured out that there are somethings that i just can't let go. Reason is because it isn't my responsibility and i have no right to do so. Its okay if you all have no idea just what i am talking about. Be sure to read aloud for your understanding. haha.

And so today wasn't a great day. Somehow i found my motivation taking a massive step backwards. Confidence isn't affected, thankfully. But i don't have one thing that i know i will need badly; Focus. I'm losing it, all the focus i've managed to conjure till today. Distracted thoughts play around like nobody's business. I just wish they could all see that my mind isn't a playground to begin with. But whatever it is, i just need to find that focus urgently now. I will need it to give myself the push for the final touches on projects as well as term tests.

Singaporeans.

Singaporeans sure are one of a kind. Foreigners sees them as werid and unpredictable and who could blame them. At one time, they would look determined to achieve something, at the other they would be goofing around and reflecting a happy go lucky life. I've always love to try and click with foreign friends of mine in school or anywhere else. It is always interesting to hear what they have to say about us, singaporeans. One of them recently told me this : "They look so fast like they got no brake." What my dear friend is trying to say is that we singaporeans lead a fast paced life and dosen't seem to have any time for our ownselves. A couple of years back, another foreign friend of mine told me that singaporeans look as if they are content with anything they have and dosen't put in much effort to improvise. Interesting two different perceptions of us. I feel that it just sums up how unpredictable we are.

Another thing is that we singaporeans find it difficult to tolerate criticism. Often when foreigners are being criticized, they look at themselves and explore the reason why people are criticizing them. But if singaporeans were to be criticized, Singaporeans would get into defensive mode and say things like "So you think you can do a better job?" And when criticized by foreigners, they go "So you think your country is better? Get out of Singapore if you don't like it!" Ridiculous i should say. But still, its all part of us and i'm sure we came across it before. I feel that the reason most of us are not progressing as well as those foreigners are is because of this. We spend far more time trying to complain and make others look bad. When all the while, we should had used the time to try and improve ourselves instead.

Perceptions is another thing. Its funny how we singaporeans think at times. I remember a time when i was out with a group of my friends and one guy dropped a 20 cent coin. The rest of us were trying to help him find the coin but he said "Nvm, its okay, its only 20 cents." And i've came across many singaporeans saying things like "Aiya, only 10 cent what" and "Its just 40 cents!" But recently, during the hike in food prices. People start complaining when the prices went up by a mere 10 cents or 20 cents. Its really funny when you think of us complaining about the increase of prices by 20cents when we don't value the 20 cent coin that much.

Times have changed. In the past, most Singaporeans' ancestors make a living through labor work, they don't care about politics as long as standard of living improve. Now, Singaporeans are more educated and are seeking all sorts of things such as democracy, freedom of speech, room for individual choices and etc etc. But then, before demanding all those, we should take a look at ourselves in the mirror first. We should be able to take criticisms more positively first and improve our attitude. We keep complaining here and there about the foreigners taking over our place in the working industry as well as in school. But what we don't realise is that we are the ones who have been gifting them our positions and places in our own homeland with open arms. Thus before we open our mouth and shoot about other countries, i hope we could do a thing about our ownselves first.

Lastly, this post might sound hurtful and offensive to some people. But i mean no offence, and i'm reffering to singaporeans and foreigners as a whole, not targetting a certain individual or group. As a singaporean myself, i have to say that the problem in our country regarding us losing our places to foreigners is growing ever so quickly. I just don't understand why we keep complaining to the government for letting them in, instead of finding ways to improve ourselves so that we could protect our places and positions. So yeah, singaporeans, do think about that.

I'm breaking the silence here, right now.

Physically, i have not recovered fully. But mentally, i think, i'm fit as hell. Haha. I'm learning to let go of stuffs which is preventing me from progressing with my life. I believe every single setbacks in life given by God is not to tie us down, but to make us progress in life with greater awareness or a renewed purpose. But me letting go, dosen't mean there's no turning back. I'm letting go of everyhting harming me at the moment while ensuring every single one of them has a place to be welcomed back in my life.

Sometimes i wonder what is right and what is wrong. Am i doing the right thing? Is this right to do? I often get my mind all mixed up with such fazed thoughts. And believe me, this mixture of unchained thoughts in my mind isn't as nice as how rojak would taste. Then i came to realise an important role friends play in our life. And that will be giving us a sense of direction when our mind can't make one. Although our mind is the ultimate hub of knowledge related to ourselves, it often gets mixed up at times and confusion will arise. Friends are there to guide us out from this inevitable catastrophe.

School has been alright. I will need to rush all my projects this week so as i could use next week as a time for a much needed term test preparation. Public speaking special occasion speech is also next week and i have to prepare a 300-400 world long draft with respect to a 3min long formal speech. I will need my mind to be at the best capacity for atleast this two coming weeks. And i also need to use my time well, and not wasting it away in emoing and thinking about things which are no longer there. So i'm gonna try and push myself and let everything else go. I'm sorry if there would be any harm caused to anybody due to this. I hope everyone can see that i don't and never mean to hurt anybody. Till then, goodbye and take care all.

I am putting my blog on hold for the time being.
As i have some important matters to handle.
Where Saturday normally rocks,
yesterday went towards the opposite direction.
I picked up bruises, cuts and a couple of injuries after soccer.
And its making me think not twice but thrice about joining my friend's soccer team.

Emotionally, i am hurt too.
As i still am trying to figure out why things are being taken away from me time and time again.
So yeah, i need to do some soul searching.
So as i could recover in time before the term tests.
Well, both physically and mentally that is.

you said it was the best day of your life 5 days ago. and now i'm living the worst of mine.

Haven't been updating simply because i'm lazy. Haha. OK, been somewhat busy as well. But i'm glad three stuffs have been cleared.

1) NETFUND project
2) CKTCS and PEDRIVE quiz
3) Public Speaking Impromptu speech

I've managed to scrap through my part for the NETFUND project. And now its time for my other team members to suffer while i relax one corner. Wakakaka(Evil laugh). Haha ok la, kidding. But i'm just glad my part is over. CKTCS and PEDRIVE isn't so bad. But i didn't expect the PEDRIVE quiz to test on the theory part. So i'm not that confident on the first question which tested on theory. But besides that, overall i think i can make it through. Public speaking impromptu speech was great. Was initially very tense and nervous. But after delivering my 2mins speech, i felt like wanting to have a go again. My topic was 'What do i do when i feel sad?' So i crapped about things such as 'everything happens for a reason' and 'always look on the bright side of life' Haha. But it was really fun, and 2mins seems super short while i'm out there, delivering my speech.

I've been spending weeks trying to fine tune my Rainbow Dark Dragon deck, till a point where i don't think i can change anything already. Well, i still can, but i will need to spend some money on the cards. And i am putting a halt to spending on cards, atleast for the moment. So i'm going to test out my this new deck tommorow during soccer. Hopefully, it will work out great for all the weeks of hardwork. =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to harith spidey!
Happy Birthday to me!

Although it seems kind of stupid to be wishing myself, but since its only once in 365 days, who cares? Haha. Thanks to all who wished me through any form of available communication network. Be it SMS, call, in person, Friendster or in my blog itself. Really really appreiate it lot. Thanks to all who didn't wish me as well. As i grow a year older this very day, i would like to take the opportunity and express my warmest aprreciation to all my friends and family for everyhting that they had done for me. I love you all, each and every one of you. Lastly, special thanks to my mum, dad, brother, sister and fifi for making my birthday a memorable one. I had a super duper awesome day today, thanks to you all. =)

Time : 8.50pm
Status: Big big headache
Preparation for 2 quizzes tommrow : 0%
NETFUND proj completion : 15%
ORGCOM proj completion : 80%
Conclusion : DEAD

Wooh. I am so dead. Only a matter hours till school and i have not even opened up my CKTCS and PEDRIVE books. All the best spidey, for the quizzes tommorow. May you succeed in performing one of those infamous great escape like you did before.

Basically i've spent my day rotting and doing my orgcom project. Omg, so irritating can? I kind of underestimated the amount of headache writing a memo can give me. And now i'm having a really bad headache thanks to that. But luckily, its like over at last. I just now felt like tossing my printer out of joy after it printed out the memo which i spent hours doing. But i had to contain myself as i knew that i would receive a worse headache for hearing my parents nag at me. Haha.

Yesterday had a great time with fifi. Went to Dover and IMM to look for jobs. But we can't even find one. Blah, its more harder than i had ever imagined. But anyway, i had fun doing stupid things with her. Like playing around with some of the shops' motion bell sensor in IMM. Haha, she made us look like small kids. Had ice cream and i felt sick soon afterwards. Dots. Basically just walk around and talk crap. She's a good listener, how i enjoy sharing stuffs with her. So yeah, time flies and we flew home, literally. haha.

School tommorow and i'm still thinking of how am i going to survive it. All the best for all taking their quizzes this week. May the force be with you all, especially those in the same situation as me. =D

In a blink of an eye, its Friday! Time seems to travel faster than a rocket thesedays. Moday's ORGCOM lesson felt like it was just yesterday. And reality says its already coming to the end of the week.

School yesterday was alright. MTNPROJ class was okay. Had our group presentation and i think we did okay. But lisa kept on gigling for some reason while she was presenting her part. Haha. Had lab assignment and i anyhow do that candy bowl. After class, went off to ITAS school and met vitesh,kelvin and prabu. Played yugioh with them. Tested out my new dark deck and it performed better than i expected. They had to go off an hour later so i called nafees up and met him in free access lab. Played around there to kill time. And off for another lecture and lab. CKTCS lab finished quite early. And i met faiqah in tampines interchange. Had bubble tea together with her and went home. haha.

Later i'm going back to school to patronize eisya's stall during CCN day. She said got games for me to play also. So we'll see what games she and her classmates had prepared for the school. haha.

Every day without fail, i have to watch this video not once, not twice but atleast thrice. Samir Nasri is like my idol. I've been a huge fan of him even before he joined Arsenal FC. The day he joined Arsenal was like one of my dreams came true. So yeah, he's one of my favourite player now in the team, only second to Fabregas. And i'm trying to emulate his style of play in the court and field. Prabu says i do have some flashes of him when i played last saturday. So hopefully, i can be a samir nasri of TP one day. hahaha.

Its 2.50pm now. And at this time i should be in my public class with nam peng, teck choon and nazmi. At this time i should be chatting with teck choon about Arsenal's youngsters astonishing victory over Wigan yesterday night. But instead, here i am at home writing out this post. Why is that so? Harith has learnt to skip class? We are not talking about lectures here. I've missed NETFUND lab, a CKTCS lecture and my public speaking tutorial. So what is the main reason behind me missing out all these classes? I'm not sick, i'm perfectly healthy and fine.

Truth is something happened just now at home. An accident. And it happened just as i was about to leave my house for school. Don't bother asking me what the accident is as i shalln't and don't want to mention anything about it. But thankfully, everything is alright now and nobody got hurt. Well, physically. Emotionally, i am abit hurt as i was supposed to go school today and survey on temporary jobs from my classmates with purpose in helping a friend of mine get one. I can't help but feel bad as i've kind of let him/her down. But hey, accidents do happen. And life is like a box of chocolates after all. Only that its not all the time the chocolates are sweet and delicious.

Sch today was rather fun. Feroz didn't turn up as he overslept. lol. PEDRIVE had to do this lab and its quite interesting. I finally understood the theory part on how to increase motor speed after attempting the lab experiment just now. Woooh. Then finished early so had breakfeast cum early lunch with khalisah. During lunch time, followed nafees to do his MTNPROJ lab assignment. And it took him like only 5mins? lol. So we went down to breadboard and he had his lunch. Met wee teck soon afterwards and its his turn now to want to do is lab assignment. So we followed him and when we reached there, the bodo forgot to bring his worksheet. So we just played around in the lab and at 2pm, i went for lecture while they went home. ORGCOM class was fun. Ms Dacota lighted up the gloomy atmosphere in class with her jokes and stories. So yeah, school was great today. Its like the first time i kind of enjoyed classes without feroz by my side. haha.

Today is an unbelievably boring day. So i guess i shall post about yesterday instead. Morning had soccer with the usual kakis. Rare turn up from PY and hazuan. Apart from that, the rest are all the same usual lovely people. A group of NS guys came by and we had a couple of match up against them. We didn't do that badly, keep losing by a margin. But it was fun. Although we were kind of pushed around a little here and there due to them overpowering us in terms of physical strength. But still, it was a great learning experience for us.

Played plenty of yugioh as well yesterday. Tested out my new harpiesynchro deck and it did okay. Played a lame 5 way match where kelvin emergered victorious. I came in 2nd i think. But i still am having problems facing off with prabu's monarch deck. Argh. Not to worry, my dark deck is nearly completed. Hopefully this thursday, i would be able to defeat prabu's deck much more easily. Haha, can't wait. =)

ARSENAL 2 MAN UTD 1

Just watched a scintillating and exhilarating 90mins of intense football. It was a superb match, a showpiece to concrete the fact that the EPL is the best in the world. Anyway, Man Utd played well. But Arsenal were superb. I'm not being bias here. I'm trying to remain as neutral as possible while writing this. But still, i can't hide my joy after how we proved the critics wrong yet again. And this shall be the cornerstone of our season. Well, hopefully. =)

OMG ITS FINALLY MINE!

Early birthday present rocks to the socks. Now i have stardust, thought ruler archfiend, red dragon archfiend and 2 gaia knights. I can finally play with synchro monsters now. And i've integrated them all into my harpie deck. Will be testing it tommorow during soccer. Hope it'll work out. haha.

Today was awesome. Went back to school with zul(kinda rhymed btw) after prayers to play soccer. Met vitesh and kelvin there and loaned a soccer ball from the school sport's hall. The ball is kind of lousy, but who cares? So we just played among ourselves. Had some passing, crossing and shooting pracitices. Then zariq arrived followed by sayyidi,sharil and osman. Went to court and played 4v4. Ernie and his friend came in and joined us after awhile. The sun was scorching man. Under those kind of immense heat conditions, we tire out very easily and didn't play that long. Rested awhile in ITAS flavours and continued to play again. Then bus-ed home with zul and kelvin. Was a great day. Oh and soccer again tommorow and shit, i think i pulled abit of my hamstring just now and it still is hurting. Hope i shall recover just in time to rule the hidden court tommorow. Enjoy your weekends everyone!

School was alright yesterday. It felt rather long as it was freezing cold, especially during ORGCOM class. The chilling conditions of the classroom not only froze me and my classmates, it kind of froze the time as well. But anyway, it still was fun yesterday. Me and feroz discussed about something. *ahem* Right feroz? Haha secret secret.

Well, today no school and i woke up quite late. At 10+. And i heard noises outside my bedroom. My mama brought her friends back home and they were talking and talking non stop for ever so long. So i just rot in my bedroom, waiting for them to leave. Omg wait, i sound abit evil and mean here. Well, what i meant was that i didn't want to go out of my bedroom as i haven't bathe and my hair looks like crap. haha. So i waited for my mama's friends to leave then i shall get out of my prison-like stuffy bedroom. lol yes, i'm exaggerating. =D

And i'ts ever so boring at home. Episode 8 of Heroes season 3 isn't out yet. I'm just waiting for fifi's call as i shall be meeting her up awhile later on when she finished school. Besides that, i'm just rotting, listening to the same old songs over and over again, and disturbing wee teck on MSN. haha. Guess i shall end here as i am craving the paddle pop ice creams in my fridge. haha! Goodbye. (:

Things happen in football.

Soccer makes you happy most of the time. But at times, it could be rather heart wrenching. Yesterday was a perfect example. It was raining early in the morning. Constant light drizzle outstretched all the way from 8am to 9plus. Since the weather was suited best for an activity called sleeping, only a few turned up for soccer. Luckily, 5 out of the 6 who turned up were duelists. So me, prabu vitesh, zul, and kelvin played rounds of yugioh duel while waiting for the rain to stop. LQ, the only non duelist arrived just in time when the drizzle had stopped and we were having our last game. So we played 3 rounds of 3 aside soccer. It was full of fun and laughter. Prabu constantly made us laugh with his wide range of hilarous acts. Somehow yesterday, i managed to pull some of my long lost form back in my strive as i scored more goals than i thought i would. So overall, soccer yesterday wasn't really as tiring and exhausting as usual, but it sure didn't lack the fun and joy.

Went for religious class afterwards and then off to meet my mummy and dad. Walked around aimlessly in tampines central and headed to granny's house. Played with my baby cousin and chatted with lathifah online on MSN. Then eat, watch tv, slack, do stupid things and went home. Swithced on my computer first thing first when i reached home. Went online and waited for 11pm. Then comes the moment i didn't anticipate. Arsenal trailed to Stoke City as early as 15mins and one by one, our players got injured. It became 2-0 in the 2nd half and Robin Van Persie was sent off via a red card. Final score was 2-1 to Stoke City. And i can hardly care about the word 'defeat to a newly promoted side' written all over the scoreline. We are now without Adebayor, Walcott and Van Persie for the curcial match against Man Utd next week. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse after Tuesday night's roller coaster ride of emotions in the match against spurs. The match yesterday certainly managed to pierce a painful sword or two into my heart and soul. Luckily eisya was there to make me laugh or i might have smashed my monitor screen out of overflowed frustation. Haha.